I found a book today
whilst surfing the ‘net – Steve Olsher’s “ Journey To You: A Step-By-Step Guide
to Becoming Who You Were Born to Be”.
Since I’ve never really found “me”, I skimmed it, and downloaded it
(yes, free!) and am now reading it.
Maybe it can’t find me for me, but maybe it’s a step in the right
direction for me finding myself.
At 56 I am
uncomfortable with my life… well, what there is of it, because what others have
seems to have completely by-passed me.
Yes, I have a wonderful husband – much luckier second time around, I
wasted so much life on the first time. Yes I have a beautiful daughter – but somewhere
along the way I lost my son and my grandchildren. Yes, I have a job I enjoy and a (mostly) good
boss – but I know I am better than my employer gives me credit for or pays me
for.
So what can I do about
it? I am not prepared to cruise. I’m not a cruiser and never have been. While I have been trying to find my true self
for many, many years I have taken so many different turns, usually dead-ends,
because they weren’t “me”. I know I have valuable insights to
offer. I know I can make a difference to people. I just don’t know how. Yet. But I can visualize myself standing in front
of an audience and imparting some of my knowledge and experience and not feeling like they’re not interested,
and not sweating buckets because I’m
scared. I will get there because I know
I can and because I must.
I just don’t know how.
Yet.
I’ve written off and
on for years. I’ve always loved words
and I usually think I can do them justice.
I started this blog as a sort of “Dear Diary”. It was never intended to be a public vehicle
for my private thoughts, and yet I posted it on the internet. Maybe I hoped that one day someone would “discover”
it. It’s been held up along the way by
my “real life”. Losing my grandchildren when
their parents took them back to NZ, problems and self-doubt with my
post-graduate study, problems with my husband also wondering who he is and
where he’s meant to be. Perhaps the “discovery”
of my writings will never happen, but my thoughts are out there in space and
one day in the not too distant future I will have found for myself a road to
take that doesn’t entail dead ends but leads instead to who I was born to be.
Watch out world!
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